I get knocked down.....

I slipped on wet floor in the main concourse in Derriford. My right crutch slid forward and I landed heavily on my right leg, putting all my weight through it. The pain was immediate and intense, and I screamed. Suddenly I was surrounded by people, holding me up, asking if I was ok. All I could do was cry.

 Someone put out a medical assistance call, and the crash team turned up. It was reassuring to see familiar faces, they put me in a wheelchair and took me round to ED where I was met by more familiar faces who put me in a bed and gave me pain relief. But I still just kept on crying.

I sobbed and sobbed while one of the ED consultants gave me the most motherly hug I have ever received from anyone other than my own mother.

My knee was swelling. It was tight, hot, agonisingly painful like a toothache within the joint. I cried, cried, kept on crying. Kirsten came down to ED and sat with me whilst I was clerked, cried, had my xrays, cried, took analgaesia, cried.

Toby, the ortho reg on-call, came to seem me. He looked sadly at me and told me that my xray looked like something had shifted but that he had to discuss it with a consultant. Later he returned with Mr Westwood the on-call consultant who agreed, the fixation had failed, the bone fragments had moved and the wiring was no longer holding them in place. I needed another fixation. I was, essentially, back to where I was on the day of the accident. I cried.

This is a speed-bump. My progress has been slowed, the healing that has occurred to this point has been reversed. But I am holding on to the fact that my position now is no worse than it was when this first happened. This will slow my recovery but it will not stop it, and it will not make me any more or less likely to have lost my ability to run.

And, because I HAVE to let my mind have priority right now, I will also consider these positives:

I have been here before, very recently, and so this time, I am prepared.
I know how to survive the postop period.
I know how to manage the pain, the immobility, the clumsiness.
I am more mentally prepared to manage the despair and frustration.
I have developed activities to keep me as fit as possible whilst immobile.

And most importantly, over the past 4 weeks  I have come to learn that I have a network, a circle, a sea of wonderful friends who have been supporting me every step of the way each in their own individual ways. Friends who have helped me to find worth in myself that I never believed I had.

...so I get up again.