Plodding.

It's been 12 days since my second operation. 12. Long. Days.

I'm struggling mentally to cope with the immobility this time round. Every day stretches out to eternity and I find it hard to deal with the time laid out in front of me until I can get back on 2 feet. I feel like I'm in a terrible never-ending limbo of misery and despair and I have spent an awful lot of time in tears (I'm actually crying as I write this). I've also started to suffer from real anxiety around mobilising, out of fear of falling again. I find it hard to be in public places for a similar reason, just in case someone bumps into me. And every time I get a twinge in my knee I become paranoid that the bone is becoming avascular and the healing process is failing. My GP has increased my antidepressant medication and added in a second agent to help me get through this period. I'm not sure that it's having any effect.

In short, I'm a bit of a mess.

So I've mostly been at home. I did venture out last Saturday, under the comforting and watchful eye of my wonderful mother. We went singing for the day, and it was wonderful to be doing something different. East Cornwall Bach choir put on a 'come and sing' day. We met at 10am, spent the day rehearsing Mozart's Requiem, and then sang the full work in the evening. By the end of the day I was exhausted, but it gave me a lift to have been doing something, focusing and then performing. I'd forgotten how much singing means to me.

I'm slowly getting back to my pre-fall static training. Initially I just started on my hand bike. That was about 7 days postop. The first time I did 20 minutes, I slept for 3 hours afterwards. It's amazing the demands healing makes on your body! The handbike helps me to work up a bit of a sweat, and I can now do 40 minutes straight (time mainly limited by the need to move my leg after this long). I can't manage to get onto my turbo trainer yet (my leg is still fixed in extension), but I'm now able to get onto the floor again, and so can do a range of core exercises. I've also been trying to focus on my right leg gluts, abductors and hamstrings, because I'm going to need some serious support from whatever muscle groups are left in this leg after 11 weeks non-weigh-bearing.

I'm also focusing on trying to keep my diet healthy with each meal providing high protein and eating lots of raw veg for vitamin content.

So, I'm getting there, but by Gods it's slow. This Thursday my surgical clips come out. Then I face another month on crutches before I can start physio. Of course, there's always the chance that I'll have gone insane by then!

Positives:
Spending the day singing with my mum.
Persevering with the static exercises.